Makin Your Life Easier: Driver's License Pics

In this edition of Makin Your Life Easier, I'd like to bring up something that a lot of people have a problem with - Driver's License pictures. To be quite honest, I have mastered what to do (as you will see later in this post). I would love to share my findings with you.

You have probably had these questions come to mind while sitting at the DMV:

Smile or serious? (and if so, teeth or smirk?)

Hair up or down?

T-shirt or something fancier?

Eyes wide or squinty?

Sometimes, the best way to learn is from other's mistakes:

Let me present to you, Exhibit A: Anna Mae

oh, Anna...

Let's break down what happened here.

THE GOOD.

1. Anna's hair looks natural. No funny business going on here.

2. Good chin definition; remember to stick that chin out.

THE BAD

1. Anna went with the "1/16 smile"... In my findings, if you're gonna smile, GO ALL OUT. Even if you think it makes your cheeks look bigger. Trust me.

2. In an attempt to look flirtatious, or perhaps inquisitive, Anna pulled the "1/2 wink" out of her box of tricks. A rarely used maneuver, that doesn't work for many.

Half winks are hard to pull off.

The results of Anna's misadventures is a Driver's License pic that, let's face it, looks poopy. Now the sad fact of the matter is that Anna is, in fact, an attractive young lady that just did some things wrong. Now she has to live with this picture for the next five years and be identified by it.. poor soul.

Now to Exhibit B: Jordan Carl Martin

Okay, so I don't look amazing.. but I am the opposite of Anna, because I look a LOT worse in real life. Let me tell you my secrets:

1. Chin protruded, covering up my double chin (anna did this well)

2. I wore a white shirt. The white shirt made my pale, red head skin not look as pale.

3. My eyes may be a little bit shut, but it's BOTH of them. A squint is much more acceptable than a half wink.

4. Full smile, my cheeks may look bigger, but at this point, there's not whole lot I can do about that.

Hopefully you have learned something from this - and realize, that even if you have a bad pic for your Driver's License.. At least you don't look as bad as this guy:

I'm sure he's nice.

I'd like to thank Anna Mae Spencer for her willingness to contribute to this post.

Well, obviously, we have a SANTA in Lincoln Park..

He's climbin' in your chimneys

He's wantin' some cookies now

wantin' to eat them

so you'd betta

leave some cookies

leave some milk

leave some cookies

leave some milk

and leave some cola, cus we saw that he likes that in commercials

BLACK SANTA

An original poem about Black Santa:

Oh Black Santa, why do you have a white mustache?
Is it from milk or from cocaine?
or maybe the rest of your beard just needs a bath.
I'm not dissin', I'm just sayin'.

Oh Black Santa, when you enter a chimney, should people fear?
Do you carry a gun and have a "led-nosed reindeer"?

Or are you just like the other jolly fat man?
You just want to leave presents wherever you can?

Well even if that is the case,
I'm afraid you cannot come to this place.

For Utahns have many pre-conceived notions.
And they might meet your appearance with an angry emotion.

Oh Black Santa I know you're very ghetto-thug-nasty, tough, and brave.
But my advice to you is for this place, stay very far away.
Because I don't want to be the one digging your grave.
Maybe regular Santa will let you in the North Pole, to work and stay
And yes, yes, I promise to you that you would not be a slave.

Oh Black Santa, you see, it's just your life I fear.
So please, please do not come to Utah Valley this year. :)

The News as Bemorte Reports

A Famous Television Reporter Once Said...

"It's like everything everywhere is going crazy, so we don't go out any more. We sit in the house, and slowly the world we're living in is getting smaller, and all we say is, "Please, at least leave us alone in our living rooms. Let me have my toaster and my TV and my steel-belted radials, and I won't say anything. Just leave us alone."

Well, I'm not going to leave you alone.

I want you to get mad!

I don't want you to protest. I don't want you to riot. I don't want you to write to your Congressman, because I wouldn't know what to tell you to write. I don't know what to do about the depression and the inflation and the Russians and the crime in the street.

All I know is that first, you've got to get mad.

You've gotta say, "I'm a human being, [goshdarnit]! My life has value!"

So, I want you to get up now. I want all of you to get up out of your chairs. I want you to get up right now and go to the window, open it, and stick your head out and yell,

'I'm as mad as hell,

and I'm not going to take this anymore!!'"

Howard Beale, famous reporter

Are you as mad as hell? Do you not want to take it anymore? Then I have just the blog for you. BYU student Bryan Mortensen recently launched his reporting website, "Bemorte Report".

Bryan Mortensen, founder of "Bemorte Report"

From a broad spectrum, currently ranging from BYU apps to new life forms being discovered, Bemorte is telling you the news the rest of the mainstream media doesn't want you to know. But you deserve to know! We all deserve to know! Let's get mad!

Forget Glenn Beck

Forget Michael Moore

Forget Jon Stewart

Forget WikiLeaks

For crying out loud! I'm ANGRY!

It's time for us to be informed, not by some TV junkie, but by someone in the heart of the heartlands.

All of us at Makin UV Better welcome, with open arms, Bemorte Report.

bemortereport.blogspot.com

Beard

I am holding a vote on whether or not I should shave my beard.

If "Yes" wins. I will shave it on December 1st.

If "No" wins. It stays for another week.

Make your choice.

Vote to the right.

Turkey

I thought there would be no better time than now to talk about one of my favorite countries. The Great REPUBLIC OF TURKEY.

You might ask - "Jordan, why's Turkey one of your favorite countries?"

I would answer - "Friend, because it's where one of my favorite Jazz players is from, Mehmet Okur."

"Get up, Memo!"

On a completely different note, I just wanted to wish everyone a Happy thanksgiving!

In that spirit, here's a picture of my mom, the pilgrim!

Have a great Turkey Day!

Things I Drew. Volume 2 - Walrusman

Walrusman was born in Utah Lake. After breaking his tooth on a salt clam at a very young age, he decided that he would not make to be a very good walrus. He went to college and now works as a clerk at Alpine Credit Union.

Favorite Movie: 50 First Dates

Favorite Song: "I am the Walrus" - The Beatles

Favorite Store: Wal-Mart

Favorite Sport: Wallball

Who's the next character you'd like to see in "Things I Drew"? Comment below.

Derek Carter - The Man, The Myth, The Indian

Of all the people in the world, Derek Carter is one of them. And I would like to take this post to commend his great contribution to the world.

Derek is hilarious.

Derek is kind of emo.

Derek and I have been friends since 6th grade, Richard Crist and I saw him playing basketball alone at recess and we decided we should induct him into our friendship. Lots has happened since then, but our friendship has continued as one eternal ring.

Our Friendship

I'd like to close this post by showing a video I made about derek some time ago. If you see Derek after viewing this post. Give him a high five on behalf of planet Earth.

Did Derek's voice used to be lower? VOTE TO THE RIGHT >

Things I Drew. Volume #1.

Some of you may know. I'm kind of an artist. A freelance artist. A frartist perse'.

As the title says, I've pulled out my sketchbook and dug deep to show you some things I drew.

Church of the 3rd Revelation

This one is obviously inspired from the movie "There Will Be Blood". Yes, the same movie I derived my Halloween costume from. -

That's me on the left.

Never thought you'd see Thing 1, Harry Potter, and Daniel Plainview in the same shot, eh?

Next we have my artistic re-creation of...

Captain Moroni

...I had a lot of free time as a missionary.

The next one is an expression from deep within my soul. I think everyone can interpret it differently.

Spacetasia

And my last one for this volume is simply titled.

Another Child Abducted

Vote for which one is your favorite on the right! >

Childhood Memory #1 - The Power Ranger

"...I once learned that making the hard decisions is what makes decisions hard..."

-Jordan Makin

One time, my mother bought me an awesome action figure. It was the Gold Ranger from Power Rangers Zeo. This was my favorite toy. He wielded a Golden Staff that he used to fend off the powers of evil.

I loved him. He loved me.

Then something tragic happened. The Golden Staff disappeared. He couldn't fight without it. I panicked. I didn't know what to do. But I did something.

I threw away my Gold Ranger. I knew my mom wouldn't buy me a new one just because I lost his staff. I had to make the hard decision. I once learned that making the hard decisions is what makes decisions hard. Hard decisions always lead to casualties.

I threw a fit that I had lost my action figure. I acted depressed for at least 3 hours until my mom finally offered to buy me a new one. I gladly accepted. My mother never knew the truth. I felt guilty at the time, but it has now been 6 months since this happened and I don't really care anymore.

Pair o' Normal Activities.. (volume 1)

I've realized that there are Pair o' Normal activities going on all around us.. Simultaneously.. here's a couple I have found...

Flying a Kite

Terrifying..

and also...

Riding a bike.

Disturbing...

Keep your eyes open.. let me know if you've seen Pair o' Normal Activities going on around your neighborhood.

Paranormal Snacktivity

After I saw Paranormal Activity 2, I was indeed freaked out. Like many others, I wondered if my house had some sort of Demon in it and if maybe might great great grandma made a deal with a demon to give away the first third born male in the family.

I decided the only way to know was to actually film myself as I fell asleep in my desk chair. The footage was quite frightening.. here are some of the important sequences in picture form, look closely:

Did that Lay's bag just move?

something is not right...

The next picture is completely terrifying and quite unexplainable.. scroll at your own risk.

Oh. My. Blog...

The whereabouts of Lay's bag are still unknown.

I'm thinking I need to send this in to Paramount Pictures. What do you think?

oh yeah..

HAPPY HALLOWEEN :)

FALL BREAK!

Hey everyone - it's the end of fall break. Sad, I know.

This fall break was pretty eventful for me - I was able to go the land of the black lagoon, AKA Lagoon, with some good ol' frenz o' mine. It was a blast. I even dared to go on a roller coaster BACKWARDS - here's some footage:



After Lagoon, I didn't think my weekend could get any better, but then I checked my email and realized I had won a trip to Bahamas - to the all inclusive Sandles resort! Here's a great pic - it was seriously so much, too bad I was only able to spend about a day there.. (and with traveling time, it was more like 2 1/2 hours..) It was worth it though














and then finally.. just when I thought it couldn't get any better... it totally did. Phone Call:

Friend - "Hey Jordz, Wanna go to the moon with me?"

Me - "Will I be back before Sunday night?"

Friend - "Yeah."

Me - "Then of course! meet you there?"

Friend - "Tip Top Cheerio! See ya there friend!"



Best. Fall. Break. Ever. :)

Heroes

Ok this is a blog where I'm going to be completely serious, I know a lot of the time I may come off a LITTLE sarcastic and completely hilarious... but this video really changed my life. Mr. Rogers saved PBS by quoting a song from his show in front of the U.S. Senate - How cool is that? Seriously watch this.



I came across this in my Mass Communication class where we have a liberal teacher and a lot of conservative students - Class usually ends up being an argument about whether Glenn Beck is evil or not (which for that, I have a great video to show for another time) But the teacher showed this at the very end of class and the class ended with an applause and seriously was one of the most spiritual, uplifting things I have ever been a part of. The left and right wings can meet together for this one.

Another one of my current Heroes is Mark Zuckerberg - if you haven't seen "The Social Network" yet, you NEED to.



"You don't get to 375 friends without making a few people that feel indifferent about you" - Jordan Makin

^the joke so nice I posted it twice!

until next time - Keep Makin UV Better.

"POST" #2 - MUZACK!

What's another thing that makes UV great? MUSIC.

This past Tuesday (October 5, 2010) - I was able to go with two of my great friends (Derek Carter & Krystal Carter) To the X96 Half Ass Show featuring: Civil Twilight, Crash Kings, and of course - ANBERLIN.



The show was pretty tizight, got some majorly cool pics. Here's a couple - you can check more out on my facebook page.





Anyway, all of this concert going made me homesick for the days when I had my own band.. here's the music video for our widely successful song - "I miss you"



Music also leads to dancing. I was privileged to play "Just Dance" with the spencer family this past evening - I must say I really do think I can dance. Next Time, I'll be sure to post some pics.. for right now, I only have post dance pics.



until my next POST - Farewell friends.

Official 1st Post (AKA Grand Opening Unveiling Ceremony)

Well there comes a time in life when you wonder how else you can expose yourself on the internet...

MySpace? check.

Facebook? been there.

Twitter? Tweeted.

Just in my moment of great despair... an angel came into my life.

"Oh my blog!"

This is Anna. She was the bright beam of light in my dark tunnel of Internet anonymity. Anna is a bloggess, herself. You can check her out at HERE. - Anyway, she said I should dabble in this, so this is my shot at it.

I want this blog to be about things that make Utah Valley great and also some of the untold stories in the underground abyss of UV and it's surroundings.

One thing that makes Utah Valley great:

Pick-up basketball games

Jordan Carl Martin Makin defeats Isaac Joseph Charles Makin, 21-18

This game was not only for brotherly pride, there was much more on the line: A Car. You see, I don't really know how to drive a stick shift car (GASP)... So I needed to challenge my little brother for his automatic car that he had claimed during my 2 year stint in Texas.

I was trailing 18-17... with the smetlering sun cascading down upon me... the towel was about to be thrown in..

Suddenly... my reputation flashed before my eyes. "Jordan Carl Martin Makin does not lose to his little brother in basketball!"

4 unanswered points and a victory proceeded that.

Isn't Utah Valley great?

I look forward to my next blog for you :)