Makin Your Life Easier: Driver's License Pics

In this edition of Makin Your Life Easier, I'd like to bring up something that a lot of people have a problem with - Driver's License pictures. To be quite honest, I have mastered what to do (as you will see later in this post). I would love to share my findings with you.

You have probably had these questions come to mind while sitting at the DMV:

Smile or serious? (and if so, teeth or smirk?)

Hair up or down?

T-shirt or something fancier?

Eyes wide or squinty?

Sometimes, the best way to learn is from other's mistakes:

Let me present to you, Exhibit A: Anna Mae

oh, Anna...

Let's break down what happened here.

THE GOOD.

1. Anna's hair looks natural. No funny business going on here.

2. Good chin definition; remember to stick that chin out.

THE BAD

1. Anna went with the "1/16 smile"... In my findings, if you're gonna smile, GO ALL OUT. Even if you think it makes your cheeks look bigger. Trust me.

2. In an attempt to look flirtatious, or perhaps inquisitive, Anna pulled the "1/2 wink" out of her box of tricks. A rarely used maneuver, that doesn't work for many.

Half winks are hard to pull off.

The results of Anna's misadventures is a Driver's License pic that, let's face it, looks poopy. Now the sad fact of the matter is that Anna is, in fact, an attractive young lady that just did some things wrong. Now she has to live with this picture for the next five years and be identified by it.. poor soul.

Now to Exhibit B: Jordan Carl Martin

Okay, so I don't look amazing.. but I am the opposite of Anna, because I look a LOT worse in real life. Let me tell you my secrets:

1. Chin protruded, covering up my double chin (anna did this well)

2. I wore a white shirt. The white shirt made my pale, red head skin not look as pale.

3. My eyes may be a little bit shut, but it's BOTH of them. A squint is much more acceptable than a half wink.

4. Full smile, my cheeks may look bigger, but at this point, there's not whole lot I can do about that.

Hopefully you have learned something from this - and realize, that even if you have a bad pic for your Driver's License.. At least you don't look as bad as this guy:

I'm sure he's nice.

I'd like to thank Anna Mae Spencer for her willingness to contribute to this post.

Well, obviously, we have a SANTA in Lincoln Park..

He's climbin' in your chimneys

He's wantin' some cookies now

wantin' to eat them

so you'd betta

leave some cookies

leave some milk

leave some cookies

leave some milk

and leave some cola, cus we saw that he likes that in commercials

BLACK SANTA

An original poem about Black Santa:

Oh Black Santa, why do you have a white mustache?
Is it from milk or from cocaine?
or maybe the rest of your beard just needs a bath.
I'm not dissin', I'm just sayin'.

Oh Black Santa, when you enter a chimney, should people fear?
Do you carry a gun and have a "led-nosed reindeer"?

Or are you just like the other jolly fat man?
You just want to leave presents wherever you can?

Well even if that is the case,
I'm afraid you cannot come to this place.

For Utahns have many pre-conceived notions.
And they might meet your appearance with an angry emotion.

Oh Black Santa I know you're very ghetto-thug-nasty, tough, and brave.
But my advice to you is for this place, stay very far away.
Because I don't want to be the one digging your grave.
Maybe regular Santa will let you in the North Pole, to work and stay
And yes, yes, I promise to you that you would not be a slave.

Oh Black Santa, you see, it's just your life I fear.
So please, please do not come to Utah Valley this year. :)

The News as Bemorte Reports

A Famous Television Reporter Once Said...

"It's like everything everywhere is going crazy, so we don't go out any more. We sit in the house, and slowly the world we're living in is getting smaller, and all we say is, "Please, at least leave us alone in our living rooms. Let me have my toaster and my TV and my steel-belted radials, and I won't say anything. Just leave us alone."

Well, I'm not going to leave you alone.

I want you to get mad!

I don't want you to protest. I don't want you to riot. I don't want you to write to your Congressman, because I wouldn't know what to tell you to write. I don't know what to do about the depression and the inflation and the Russians and the crime in the street.

All I know is that first, you've got to get mad.

You've gotta say, "I'm a human being, [goshdarnit]! My life has value!"

So, I want you to get up now. I want all of you to get up out of your chairs. I want you to get up right now and go to the window, open it, and stick your head out and yell,

'I'm as mad as hell,

and I'm not going to take this anymore!!'"

Howard Beale, famous reporter

Are you as mad as hell? Do you not want to take it anymore? Then I have just the blog for you. BYU student Bryan Mortensen recently launched his reporting website, "Bemorte Report".

Bryan Mortensen, founder of "Bemorte Report"

From a broad spectrum, currently ranging from BYU apps to new life forms being discovered, Bemorte is telling you the news the rest of the mainstream media doesn't want you to know. But you deserve to know! We all deserve to know! Let's get mad!

Forget Glenn Beck

Forget Michael Moore

Forget Jon Stewart

Forget WikiLeaks

For crying out loud! I'm ANGRY!

It's time for us to be informed, not by some TV junkie, but by someone in the heart of the heartlands.

All of us at Makin UV Better welcome, with open arms, Bemorte Report.

bemortereport.blogspot.com